Being single for so long my mind is in a constant battle about the word “commitment”. In theory it sounds great and something I more than willing to do but when I do start getting involved with someone my mind puts up a self defense barrier because of the single life I have been so use to is being attacked. It has nothing to do with my single “sexual” lifestyle. That has been non existent for awhile now. It has to do with my single “everyday: lifestyle. I have become selfish and set in my ways. I not proud of that nor do I feel comfortable being that way. So I do have to become more “self aware” of my situation and be upfront and honest the next time I become involved with someone. And most important, I have to be open to change once again. I use to relish in change but now I seem to fear it.
I certainly don’t want to be in a relationship just to be in one. I would rather stay single then go through that again. But I don’t want to close myself off to any possibilities of a future relationship either because of my fear of change. It is a fine balancing act but at least I do have a safety net below me.