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Lazy Sunday
Posted:May 3, 2020 6:06 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2020 1:41 am

I woke up in the middle of the night last night....

Unable sleep, I grabbed my pillows and comforter and went out into the living room to lay on the couch.

There's something comforting about being snuggled up on the couch.

Feeling sick? Lay on the couch and recuperate. There are magical healing powers contained within that couch, always there to support you when you are feeling your lowest.

Feeling depressed? Wrap yourself into a cocoon of blankets and pillows and cry... The couch is your friend, always keeping you comfy while you stare blankly at the tv screen as it streams random movies you barely watch.

Unable to sleep? Head to the couch, for surely, the moment you lay back and relax your tired eyes, you'll be out like a light.

I'd had a bad dream last night... I don't do this very often anymore, but I was reliving something bad that had happened to me in the past. When that happens, I try to stay awake as I'll just end up dreaming the dream all over again.

So, I went to the couch.

I could hear the downstairs neighbors crashing around down there, the woman's gravely voice yelling at her dogs, and the sound of the door wall opening and shutting.

Do they ever sleep?

At some point I did manage to fall asleep again, though, because I woke up this morning, on this beautiful sunny day, with the warmth of sunlight shining on my face. I continued to lay there for a long moment, not wanting to open my eyes, taking it all in.

And, then I did.

What a beautiful, lazy Sunday.
Wave that magic wand....
Posted:May 2, 2020 3:03 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2020 1:47 pm

...and make this virus shit go away.

So, I broke the rules last night and had a friend come over spend the night.

I long for the days when you could just have someone come over and not feel like, at any moment, the CDC was going bust down your door and come smashing through, decked out in their quarantine space suits, ready haul you away for unauthorized contact.

Hey you! Over there! In the black lace thing!! Let's go!

Sir, put that erection away, you're coming downtown too!

There is something to be said about having an impromptu get together with a member of the opposite sex. It's fun and exciting, regardless of how many times you've seen each other.

This is unexpected!

I don't know how other people feel, but unexpected is exciting to me. It's something new! A break in the routine! I thought I was going to be spending the night alone watching serial killer documentaries on Investigation ID and instead I'm going to be getting naughty in a lace nightie.

This is going to be a GOOD night!

Hope you had a happy Friday and an even better Saturday.
Posted:Apr 30, 2020 3:05 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2020 2:36 pm

And.... It's happened. The dreaded Quarantine-15 is starting to rear it's ugly head.

I'll be wearing elastic waist pants before I know it.

As you all know, I'm struggling with my weight anyway, so being stuck on house arrest isn't doing me any favors. The progress I had made at the gym before all this had happened was for naught as I wanted to absolutely kill myself this morning when I went to put on a pair of jeans and they were now suddenly tighter than usual... Tight enough that I decided not to wear them to work.

Good God.... I wanted to just cry.

I've decided to try something new tonight, beginners yoga is on my agenda. This should be interesting, I'm about as flexible as a tire iron.

Wish me luck!
And... She was off!
Posted:Apr 29, 2020 4:41 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2020 2:42 pm

It always amazes me the way new hires seem 'forget' their conversations with me when I schedule onboard them.

"Meet me at the electronics counter at 3 o'clock."

2:30 rolls around and I'm getting phone calls from customer service, the new employee is up there waiting for me to onboard them. Wrong time, wrong department, I'm in the middle of a meeting.

"Bring 2 forms of valid, original I-9 documentation and direct deposit information."

The new employee shows up with a copy of their birth certificate, an expired drivers license, and forgot about the direct deposit. Do they even a job?

My last new employee of the day, today, was schedule to onboard with me at 3 pm. I specifically told her I would meet her at the electronics counter and we would get started from there.

Imagine my surprise to see her knocking on my office door at 2:45, she was ready to get started.

There is a REASON why I schedule things at precise times!

So, I told her through my closed door that I would be with her in just a moment, I was in the middle of an important phone call.

As we were headed back to the intake table to get her temperature taken.... etc, I specifically asked her if she had her I-9 documentation.

She said yes.

Turns out, she did not.

When we got back to my office she produces a barely legible copy of a birth certificate.

"I'm not able to use this, this isn't an original document. Do you have your actual birth certificate?"


"ok... Do you have your social security card?"


Not making this any easier on me!

"Ok.... Well, I'm required by law to have the original I-9 documents present as I have to image them....."

Before I could even finish my sentence this woman had walked out of my office and was headed out the door to the store.

"Should we reschedule? Do you think you could....."

And, she was gone.

What the fuck?!?

So there I was, standing slack jawed and dumb founded in my office door, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened.

Happy Wednesday to me.
Is that a woman crouched in the woods over there?!?
Posted:Apr 28, 2020 5:25 pm
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2020 11:05 pm

Or, did I drink too much water bottle wine on my walk tonight?

The Spawn and I were walking on the path tonight when I caught a glimmer of something from the corner of my eye.

Was it a bird? A shadow?? A piece of debris blowing in the wind???


It was a woman sketchily crouching on the other side of the tree line watching the Spawn and I as we walked past.

Now, if that didn't make me feel secure, I don't know what will!

She was gone when we made our way back through, every scary movie I had ever watched in my entire life had managed to resurface in the back of my mind.

Thankfully I lived to tell the tale!
Posted:Apr 27, 2020 3:24 pm
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2020 4:47 pm

It's what's for dinner!

I wish I could say I am a fantastic cook, the kind that can just throw anything together in a bowl and put together a masterpiece.

Unfortunately, this is not the case.

So, when I mentioned to my at lunch today that I had a bunch of hamburger that needed to be cooked for dinner, I expected him to complain a little about eating hamburgers or sloppy joe's.

Instead, he said, "Why don't you make a lasagna Mom, we haven't had lasagna in a while. I love your lasagna."

I just love that . His little comment made my whole day.

Happy Monday!
BTW, not even remotely funny.
Posted:Apr 25, 2020 1:12 pm
Last Updated:May 5, 2020 3:28 am

Have you ever unintentionally offended someone as a result of something you said?

When you are having a conversation with someone online, it is so easily done.

Especially if you are like me, socially awkward and kind of bumbling through life most of the time anyway.

I say things I probably shouldn't say, I laugh at inappropriate moments, and wind up doing things that are just plain embarrassing.

If it can be spilled down the front of my shirt, it's there!

If it's within a foot radius and I can trip on it, you better BET I'm tripping!

If I can make an awkward moment THAT much more awkward by laughing, you KNOW I'm going bust out laughing!

The online element only adds another level how wrong something can go so easily.

Having a bad day? You will take my comment as negative as you can!

Feeling a little sensitive about something that you've kept secret but I've somehow managed pick that scab? I'm going be the scourge of the earth!!

I point out a little humor in a photo I've been sent and suddenly I'm the most terrible person on earth!!!

Forget it!

The most unholy of blasphemes....

Someone chop OFF my fingers and never allow me to communicate via internet again!

It's for my own good....

Maybe I'm destined to live out my days with Nose Hairs in one of those tiny fricking houses he keeps showing me on his phone. I'm not quite sure where he got the idea that I wanted to live in a tiny house....
The Masked Miscreant
Posted:Apr 25, 2020 4:49 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2020 10:38 am

I was hoping for Masked Avenger... Not quite working out that way.

As you all know, my company mandated the wearing of masks and face coverings as of Thursday.

It's been pure hell for .

By the end of the day yesterday my sensitive skin was rubbed raw on my upper cheeks from the fabric of the mask moving while I spea

Wearing glasses??

Not happening... The moment I place them on my face they instantly fog the point where I can't see.

And, it's not from my breathing.

They're fogging because I'm a million degrees of sweat from having my face covered so tightly by a mask all day.

I just want die by about 3 o'cloc

Splitting headache, irritated skin, sweaty mess....

And, I'm only 2 days in. What's it going be like next week when I have do this for an entire week? I literally went home last night and rested on the couch with my eyes shut for 2 hours until my headache went away.

Loving life.... Living the quarantine!
Perception vs Reality
Posted:Apr 24, 2020 4:01 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2020 10:39 am

On the phone:

Since we are still experiencing mass hiring, I don't get the opportunity to meet my new people in person anymore before they come in to onboard with me. I spoke with a gentleman on Wednesday and had told him on the phone to meet me at a specific location within the store that was close to the intake table so we could start right away with the health screen and get him set up with a mask.

He described himself to me so that I would know who to look for.

Long hair, probably pulled back into a pony tail... Carrying a bag.... Would likely be dressed casual in jeans and a tshirt.

In my minds eye I was picturing an earthy, hippie type guy carrying a satchel of some sort that had been woven out of hemp or something.

In person:

I got a call from the coworker in the department where my new employee would be meeting me telling me he had arrived. He was a little early, so I said I would be right out, I just had to make one quick call.

When I emerged from the back room, the coworker met up with me almost immediately, I think in an attempt to give me a heads up.

"I'm not sure if he's a man or a woman"

"I'm pretty sure it's a guy, I talked to him on the phone. He's got a really deep voice."

I blew off the comment because I was certain he was referring to the new employees long hair.

I met up with the new employee and introduced myself, explaining about the health screen and the new policy that we now had to wear masks during our work shifts and we made our way to the health intake table.

Didn't look exactly as I had expected him to look....

But I still hadn't put it all together in my mind.

On the way back to my office after the virus business was taken care of I asked him if he had his 2 forms of I-9 identification.

Absolutely, he said, as we were stepping through my door. Tossing his PURSE onto my desk, he started digging through the menagerie of crap in it until he finally found a black and pink wallet.

My mind was reeling at this point.

What I had thought were Gene Simmons type eyeglasses were actually women's eyeglasses. His nails were painted a very dark maroon color and I finally noticed all the colorful hair ties that were fastening his ponytail.

Then he handed me his ID.

Perfectly coiffed hair and what could have been expertly applied makeup.

I was kind of a little jealous... I look like a fricking alien in my drivers license photo....

Which takes me back to the title of my post today. Perception and reality can be a very, very different thing these days. He came in dressed as much like a man as he could, but it was very obvious he had been living as a woman for quite some time.

In time, he will see how accepting of a team we are as well, but his perception of us at the moment is also not the reality. Just as my initial perception of him being a hippie, was not the reality.
And... M-Day has come!
Posted:Apr 23, 2020 1:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2020 11:07 am

Notification came down from corporate yesterday, right before I left work, stating all employees will now be required to wear a mask during working hours.

This should be interesting.

Between plexi-glass barriers, COVID-19 masks, and the terrible musac that is always playing a little too loudly over head, it will now be completely impossible to hear anyone while they speak ever.

It wasn't until customers started wearing the masks that I realized just how much I relied on lip reading while having a conversation. With the social distancing rules, you can't even lean in now to get a better listen to what people are saying.

I've decided to make sign-language my new second language.

There is one bonus to the requirement of our new fashion accessory....

I can now tell people off, under my breath, whenever I feel like it, without them being any the wiser.

"Fuck you, you fucking douche bag" will likely become my new favorite sentence ender for conversations with people I can't stand.

I can't wait!
Administrative Professionals Day
Posted:Apr 22, 2020 2:47 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2020 2:41 pm

I have the most amazing coworkers.

I was late for the 2 o'clock meeting and I could hear my name being yelled from the conference room.

, cripe!

So I hurried down the hall and through the door and everyone was looking at .

"Sorry I'm l I just got done onboarding a new peep."

Everyone was kind of milling about the door, Meme Guy handed me a card and Half Price was smiling at me from where she was sitting.

" my God! Thank you guys!! This is so nice!"

I'm just going say it again, I have the most amazing coworkers. It was the sweetest, funniest card and in it were gift cards for Applebee's. My evil twin even used the decorative pom poms that were laying the table from Boss #1's retirement party do a cheer.

Happy Administrative Professionals Day !
It's 1:34 am....
Posted:Apr 21, 2020 10:38 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2020 4:56 am

Of course I can't sleep.

It seems as though the downstairs neighbors are following me about the apartment tonight.

I actually got up and went out to the living room because they were crashing and banging around in the bedroom below me...

And, wouldn't you know it, now they are out in the living room opening and shutting the door wall and loudly talking below me.


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