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What is it? 3/18/2007
Hey bet you can't answer this one!
What gets longer when pulled................
Fits between your boobs..............
Inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked?........................
scroll down to find the answer.....
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0 Comments, 99 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Blonde Joke 3/17/2007
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little amused, explains to the woman
they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has
been buying the stuff from drug stores on a regular basis and would like
some more.
I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't
have any", "But I always buy ...
0 Comments, 167 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Old Military Humor 3/17/2007
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial
flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled
off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently,
in a loud voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married,
two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through
a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Government Job 3/16/2007
A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer
asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes, "he says, "I was in Vietnam for three
years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points
toward employment, " and then asks, "Are you
disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes, 100%...a mortar round exploded
near me and blew my testicles off."
The ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Paperless 3/16/2007
After my speech at a tech conference on Tips for Going Paperless,
I open the floor to questions. I have one, said a man. Where
are the handouts?
0 Comments, 77 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Slogans 3/16/2007
(1) Seen on the side of a garage truck, Purveyors of Fine
Used Foods. (2) On a One Flush Plumbing truck, One Flush
Beats a Full House. (3) On a sign outside Mac's, a sporting
goods store, A Tulsa Tradition Since Last Month.
0 Comments, 59 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Surgeon 3/16/2007
One of our surgeons recently suggested to a patient that
he have a benign growth removed. Will it be expensive? asked
the patient. About $400, the doctor replied. Is it a dangerous
operation? The doctor scoffed, I don't do dangerous
for $400.
0 Comments, 81 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Christians 3/16/2007
Going over our church finances, I found a receipt from a
local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I
wasn't aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the
store to point out its mistake. I'am sorry, I told the
manager, but there are no Christians here at Frist Baptist
Church.
0 Comments, 78 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Titanic 3/16/2007
A teacher, a dustman and a lawyer find themselves waiting
outside the pearly gates. Eventually, St Peter emerges and informs them that in order
to get to heaven, they'll each have to answer one question.
St Peter turns to the teacher. "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the
iceberg? They made a movie about it." The teacher answers quickly, "That would be Titanic."
St Peter lets him ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Aftershave! 3/16/2007
A Navy chief and an Admiral are sitting in a Barbershop They have both just finished having a shave, and the barber
reaches for some aftershave. "Hey! Don't put that stuff on me!" the Admiral
shouts. "My wife will think I've been in a brothel!"
The chief turns to his barber and says: "Go ahead and
put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel
smells like."
0 Comments, 53 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Ladies night out 3/16/2007
Bar - Ladies Night Out! >> Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night
Club. >> One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us,
so she pulled out > a >> 10 bill >> >> When the male dancer came over to us, my friend
licked the 10 bill > and >> stuck it to his butt cheek! >> >> Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a 20
bill. >> >> She called the guy back, licks the 20 bill, and ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Best Blonde Joke of the Year! 3/11/2007
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight
to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut &
stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the
mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the
house she went.
As the man was getting ready to ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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"Sweet" revenge 3/11/2007
A young woman and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's
her turn to buy a round, she tells him of a wonderful new drink
that he simply must try. She returns with the usual lager
for herself but for him she has two glasses and a salt shaker.
One glass contains a measure of Bailey's Irish Cream,
and the other has lime juice. "Okay, what you have
to do is put a large pinch of salt on your ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Mathematician and his wife 3/11/2007
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain
needs, which you are no longer able to satisfy, I am otherwise
happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not
be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive
this letter, I will be at that Grand Hotel with my 18 year
old teaching assistant. ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Hilary Clinton's Grammar School Visit 3/11/2007
Hillary Clinton was spending the morning at a primary school
to talk to the about her job as a US Senator.
After her talk, she offered question time. One little boy
raises his hand and Hillary asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: first - whatever happened
to you medical health care plan? Second - why would you ...
0 Comments, 102 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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rooster and cat 3/11/2007
There was a cat and a rooster wondering by the lake.Both
were famished looking for any food they could find, later
on the rooster found himsle focusing apon a worm inching
its way near by.The rooster the proceeds to pounce oon the
worm eating it quickly then resting after his meal, he
rubs his belly with pure satisfacation.The cat looks at
the rooser and thinks to himself well if he can do it so ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Introduction 3/11/2007
A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he
noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black
guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, "7
foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3
pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small guy fainted!!
The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought
him to, slapping his face and shaking ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A WOMAN 3/11/2007
THIS GUY COMES INTO THE BAR AND TAKES A SEAT ANNOUNCING THAT
HE IS BUYING DRINKS FOR EVERYONE. HIS MULTI MILLIONAIRE FATHER IS ABOUT TO DIE WITHIN THE
NEXT TWO WEEKS AND HE IS GOING TO INHERIT IT ALL. THIS IMPRESSED THIS GORGEOUS WOMAN WHO AGREED TO GO HOME
WITH HIM. WITHIN THE NEXT THREE DAYS THE MAN COMES BACK TO THE BAR WITH
THE SAME GORGEOUS WOMAN ONLY NOW SHE IS HIS STEPMOTHER.
3 Comments, 211 Views,
12 Votes
,4.92 Score
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WHY DOES SHE HIDE EGGS? 3/11/2007
Why does the Easter
bunny hide all her eggs?
She doesnt want anyone to know she is fuckin a chicken.....
0 Comments, 93 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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Mad Cow Disease 3/10/2007
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer,
seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect
information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease.
Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you
know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady reporter (obviously ...
1 Comments, 113 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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Nicoderm 3/9/2007
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis
and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it. He looks
at the other priest and says "I believe you're
supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not down
there!"
The other priest replies, "Its working just fine,
I'm down to two butts a day."
0 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Bubba 3/9/2007
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors
were Catholic.... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden
from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the
grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the
Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba and ...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Squirrel 3/8/2007
A little girl walked in on her mother naked and she asked
mom what is that? The mom responded that is my little brown
Squirrel. The same little girl later that day walked in
on her grandmother naked and asked grandma what is that?
She responed that is my little gray Squirrel. The little
girl asked grandma why is yours gray and mommy's is
brown? The grandmother replied because her's hasn't ...
3 Comments, 183 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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confession 3/8/2007
The priest of a local church was invited golfing with some
friends, but realised that it was during the same hours
that he does confession. Not wanting to miss the golf he
convinced the church janitor to sit in and do confession
for him. He wrote down evey sin he could think of and the resolution
for each one as well. The first person to enter told the janitor
he had stolen something from a ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Miss Beatrice, the church organist 3/7/2007
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties
and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness
and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call
on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She
invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister
noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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69 - a ripper 3/7/2007
A girl takes her boyfriend home, they go into the bedroom
and she immediately suggests that they do 69. "69? What the hell is that?", the boy asked the
girl. Realizing that he wasn't experienced, she tells him.
"I place my head between your legs and you place yours
between mine." Still not knowing what she was talking about, and not wanting
to ruin the moment, the boy agrees. Just as they get ...
1 Comments, 125 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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Touching 3/7/2007
A very touching Story
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating
from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he
came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the
air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found
a large piece of wood deeply ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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A bad day 3/6/2007
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always
died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something
to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as
to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide
team of experts was assembled to investigate ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Not one question 3/5/2007
The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons
in Phoenix. The mayor could not remove the pigeons from
the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop. The people
of Phoenix couldn't walk on the sidewalks drive on
the roads.
It was costing a fortune to try to keep the streets and sidewalks
clean.
One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.
"I ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Deer Roping 3/5/2007
Deer Roping > I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it
in a stall,
> feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it
and eat it. The
> first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured
that since
> they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem
to have much fear
> of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come
right up and ...
0 Comments, 77 Views,
2 Votes
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